Tag Archives: audience

“Getting Rid of Weakness in Communication” by Keith Scott

3 Nov

Are you wondering if I can really teach you how to communicate?  Sign up and check me out!

10:15 a.m.-11:00 a.m.
“Getting Rid of Weakness in Communication”
Led by: SECU, Keith Scott, President /CEO, Baltimore County Chamber of Commerce-Small Business Resource Center

Fall 2013 Business Growth Expo

Network, make connections and learn how to grow your business at our Fall 2013 Business Growth Expo!

  • When: Thursday, November 7, 2013,8:00am-12:00pm Add to my calendar
  • Where: Baltimore Hunt Valley Inn245 Shawan Road Hunt Valley MD 21031
  • Suggested Dress: Business attire

http://www.bizjournals.com/baltimore/event/83641#eventDetails

They told me their stories……homeless/prostitute

26 Aug

Waiting for the Purple line – she walks up “I just got our of jail”  I ask for how long – she said “just for a night and damn I need a shower”  I ask what got her in trouble in the first place – drugs and prostitution.    There is not hesitation in telling me about her life – not a bit of fear or concern.

Riding the light rail home I sit across from a woman with a McDonald’s shirt, she is signing and vocalizing how tired she is already at 3 pm in the afternoon.  I ask if she is just getting off work and she sighs ” I am just heading to work in Timonium”  I asked where she was coming from and she said “the women’s shelter in White Marsh”  I found out that she has to take a bus from White Marsh to downtown (Convention Center) and then take the light rail north.  She told me how she had been homeless for around 6 months after getting kicked out of her aunts house because she was addicted to pain killers.  She has 3 children from 3 different dads but can’t collect child support for various reasons.  She dreams of getting a car by December but first she has to get past a suspension.

In both of these cases these individuals felt totally comfortable telling me their story no matter how painful.   I have been wrestling with why they are so open about their condition to tell a complete stranger.  There are several reasons, maybe I look like a good listener?   It could be because I continued to ask them questions?  I think the answer is simpler – they had no fear or reservation because they had nothing to lose, they have been judged all their lives for their actions and truly don’t care what others think.  They have moved into a mental place of freedom from judgement and that is why there voice is strong in explaining their lives.

What can be learned from these interactions – our voice can rise above judgement and fear when we feel the freedom that there is nothing to lose but only to gain.  We can all find that voice without living a life of pain and misery – it is in each on of us and we must power through to find it and use it!

This Weeks – TALLspeaking Communication Star – Mike Shelah

21 Aug

This Weeks TALLspeaking Communication Star

This Weeks TALLspeaking Communication Star

I spotted this weeks TALLspeaking Communication Star at Toastmasters at the Baltimore County Chamber of Commerce.
Meet Mike Shelah who  is a Senior Account Executive with Earthlink Business.
Now on to our Q&A….
What do you enjoy about Public Speaking?
It’s entertainment. I have fun sharing my experiences and knowledge with others
Do you get nervous?
Sure. The first time I had to present to a group I thought I was going to pass out. Once I begin the nervousness quickly disappears.
Do you use notes or memorize or go off the cuff?
Depending on the situation, I have applied all three. In sales it is important to speak concisely without knowing what you will need to say in advance. There are times when ceremony dictates a specific script to be memorized and incorporated or presented verbatim. Notes allow you to convey a message freely while assuring you touch all the key topics
What do you tell the person who is fearful of Public Speaking?
It’s okay to be afraid, but don’t let that stop you from being great. You are speaking publicly because someone values what you have to say and wants to hear it.
How do you know that you are connecting with the audience?
Engagement is about reaction (laughter, applause, affirmations) and body language

But who asked you, anyway ?

17 Aug

So the life I have made
May seem wrong to you
But, I’ve never been surer
It’s my life to ruin
My own way

Morrissey

 ( JUDGEMENT) A common vocalization from my clients.   The world is teeming with judgement and it is a sickness that we see pronounced at every checkout line.   We demonize judgement but it has helped us evolve and survive in a dangerous world.  We all do it consciously or unconsciously – for some it cripples – the ability to live fully.  It truly sucks the life out of their personality.  Realize that everyone judges you and puts you in a box in the first 5 seconds.  You have been stamped and cataloged.  That is graphic reality.

When you are asked to give a presentation or speak up at a company meeting -you can sway that judgement to the positive by showing the audience that you have broken free of any residue  (judgement anxiety).  When they sense your complete control of your mind their negative thoughts evaporate – you will gain a new respect.  You will be seen as a model of completeness that so many will envy.  This creates desire to hear your message.  This will be you launch to new orbits of communication

When I go to networking events people are always in cliques!

14 Aug

In networking you have to break-in!

In networking you have to break-in!

The other day a woman in the audience asked me  this question  “When I go to networking events it seems that everyone is in their own cliques – how do I break in”  The key phrase was break-in because that is exactly what you have to do.  Networking events are competitive and physical events that require a high amount of energy, motivation,and attitude.

Let me break it down – you are putting 50-100 ego driven people in a room who all have self interest and personal motivation as their main drivers.  You can’t walk in thinking that people are going to automatically respond to you and welcome you like a hallmark card.  That is not reality.  You are going to have to show why you deserve to be paid attention too and sometimes that means you have to push your way into a clique.  You have to show that you have the confidence and presence to be taken as a serious contender.

You have to push your way in to the group and then follow that up with conversation that grabs attention that makes people want to listen to you.  How do you get good at it – practice, practice, practice

Saying “So” makes you sound weak and afraid to voice your opinion!

15 Jul

“So” may be the new “well,” “um,” “oh” and “like.”

To begin a sentence with “oh,” she said in an e-mail message, is to focus on what you have just remembered and your own concerns. To begin with “so,” she said, is to signal that one’s coming words are chosen for their relevance to the listener.

The ascendancy of “so,” Dr. Bolden said, “suggests that we are concerned with displaying interest for others and downplaying our interest in our own affairs.”

Perhaps we all live now in fear that a conversation could snap at any moment, could be interrupted by so many rival offerings. With “so,” we beg to be heard. We insist, time and again, that this is it; this is what you’ve been waiting to hear; this is the “so” moment.

Saying “So” make s you sound weak and afraid to voice your opinion.  It makes you look like you have to fight for attention.  It shows that you can’t pause and let silence fill the room.  “So” is a filler word to delay an answer and it dulls your listening audience.  Break the habit of “So” via training from a speech coach such as TALLspeaking.

Always go red when you’re embarrassed? New research shows it’s a sign you’ll be a great lover

19 Jun

 

 

Do you blush when you have to speak?

Do you blush when you have to speak?

Blushing occurs when adrenalin generated by an uncomfortable situation makes blood vessels near the surface of the skin expand, allowing more blood to flow and leaving the sufferer red-faced.

It’s an involuntary reaction which we all fall victim to from time to time, but pale and pasty skins such as mine show up the offending blush more than darker ones.

And it’s not just your cheeks that go red. The ‘blush region’ can include your ears, neck and chest — and each blush is different. Some come on thick and fast, others spread slowly across the upper-body like a horrible, blotchy rash.

blushing still shows endearing vulnerability — so much so that, even today, researchers say blushing can help us when we are dating, or even trying to do a business deal.

They’ve also concluded that when we blush after doing something socially embarrassing — such as accidentally standing on someone’s toe — it’s like an non-verbal apology and therefore diffuses any aggression.

 

Do you turn red in group settings?

Do you turn red in group settings?

Here are some tips on how to reduce blushing especially when speaking in Public!

  • Try chewing gum. Takes a mind off things.
  • Do as many social things as possible. The more comfortable you are around people, the less you will blush. Interacting with people will make your life more fulfilling and will simply make you a confident and more interesting person.
  • If you blush every time you are even in the same room as your crush, or talking to them especially, you probably turn very red. This type of blushing can be so intense it is unavoidable. The only thing you can do in a situation like this is try to calm yourself by taking a few deep breaths.
  • Try casually covering your cheek with your hand if you feel a blush coming on and can’t prevent it.
  • Keep drinking water if you feel like you’re going red.
  • Remember that people really don’t tend to notice unless you make it a big deal and try too hard to hide it.
  • If worse comes to worst, go to the nearest bathroom or kitchen and put a damp cloth on your face. An air conditioner will also do the trick.
  • Don’t worry blushing is natural, its beautiful as it makes a person look alive and healthy. People don’t notice it as much as you think in fact your body language is what counts, so if you’re blushing ignore it and keep your body language normal.
  • Try wearing foundation that matches your natural skin tone. It works like an absolute charm.
  • Try using a paler foundation, or one that matches your skin tone. Relax, and just try to ignore it!

Blushing – Just stop caring

17 Jun

Tallspeaking, Blushing, getting red, getting nervous, public speaking,

Stop Caring about Blushing

 

 

Stop caring. Not only is your blushing much less noticeable than you probably think, it’s also helpful to remember that most people either find blushing to be cute or endearing. There are benefits to being a blusher. They include:

  • People who witness someone blush find the blusher to be more sympathetic, softening their social judgments of the person. In this way, blushing may help build better social bonds.
  • Researchers believe that people who blush are better at relationships, reporting higher levels of monogamy and trustworthiness.

Don’t feel responsible for blushing. Whatever you do, don’t feel responsible for blushing. It is involuntary. Train your mind to understand that your conscious thoughts have nothing to do with this autonomic bodily response. You are not to blame, and you are not guilty of anything. If you let go of feeling responsible for blushing, there’s a good chance you’ll find yourself blushing less often.

“How would I really say this”?

10 Jun

How many times have you listened to speakers and thought – they sound so FAKE.  Here are some tips to sound authentic/honest when giving a talk.

1. Include your natural qualities. Make a list of qualities that describe your strengths, for instance – sweet, kind, funny, serious, intense, direct, knowledgeable. Bring those qualities into your talk or performance. There is a tendency for speakers to think they have to act a certain way. Resist the temptation to be any way you think you should and just go with being the person your close friends know you to be.

2. Be Unique. Everyone has unique and quirky behaviors. Allow the quirky aspects of your personality to be a part of your speaking or performing style. Those personality quirks will be the marks of authenticity that your audience perceives with the eyes and ears of their hearts.

3. Let your style be based on your natural rhythms. Introverts and extrovert share different rhythms for expression. Introverts are deep and inwardly focused, so their thoughts and words come from the depths of their being. If you are an introvert, let your self speak slowly and deliberately and thoughtfully. Don’t try to manufacture enthusiasm that is false for you. Extroverts are dynamic and outwardly focused. If you are extroverted, be large and dramatic. Don’t try to squash your natural energies or be too controlled.

4. Say it like you would say it in real life. Speak, present or perform just like you are talking to friends in your living room. Ask yourself, “How would I really say this?” Then say it that way as if you were talking to a close friend.

5. Give up trying to be perfect. Let your style be imperfect. Don’t try to speak like you write. Instead of trying to speak perfectly, focus on speaking the truth. When you tell the truth, you don’t speak in literary phrases. You let it come from your heart as you feel it.

6. Realize that being perfect does not equate to being effective. Being effective does not have to do with your performance. It has to do with what happens to the listeners as a result of who you are being with them.

7. Make space for your fear. Give yourself permission to feel your fear, anxiety or tension when you are presenting and performing. The fear is energy; it is power and passion. When you create space inside yourself to feel the fear, it converts into passion that causes your words to vibrate with electricity.

TALLspeaking – “I won’t apologize for my tone tonight”

7 Jun

Just as there are many forms of communication, there also are various tones that can go along with the messages. Sometimes what is ultimately communicated has nothing to do with the actual words used. It could be a look, a perception or a statement not made that tells more than the words used. In short, the tone of what is communicated can be as critical as the message.

 

So here is a shorthand look at some of the various tones of communication that executives and managers may be sending between the lines of the real message they intend to deliver.

  • Just the facts. There is nothing flowery in this data/information-based kind of communication, where only facts are stated without context. The recipient gets the data, but not necessarily the relative importance. Each recipient gets to create his or her interpretation of the meaning and import.
  • Angry eyes. The listener can tell by looking at your eyes that this message matters big time. However, it is too easy to misinterpret that the speaker is angry about not getting that promotion while delivering a totally unrelated message to someone else.
  • Between the lines. We hear what was said but know deep down that the speaker doesn’t really mean that. Everyone knows the real meaning of an announcement that a “valued” member of the team is leaving the company to “pursue other interests.” Translation? Fired.
  • Curt. Maybe the boss doesn’t buy in to this communication and is just following orders. A curt tone leaves the listener guessing.
  • Generic. This tone describes the way the boss generally communicates. These messages usually contain nothing of note. They can be ignored like all the rest.
  • The big one. This is the memo that talks about all you’ve been through together and the tough times coming during the next year. Translation? Dust off the resume; a hit list is being made.
  • The joker. Some messages contain so many genuinely funny comments that it’s difficult to tell when the person is really not kidding.
  • Pals’ talk. When messages always treat subordinates like buddies rather than subordinates, the communications don’t always carry the necessary weight. It can be a shocking surprise when the really tough message has to be delivered. Suddenly, the pal is no longer a friend.

No matter what message an executive or manager is attempting to communicate, it is important that the method of delivery be taken into consideration. And after the communication, it is just as important to doulbe-check with the recipients about what it is they heard, as opposed to what was said.

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