Tag Archives: impress

trauma response-public speaking anxiety

17 Nov

Did something early in live create your fear of public speaking?

Did something early in life create your fear of public speaking?

Public speaking anxiety is usually something that originates in early childhood. Perhaps a child was shouted at by a stressed parent when they tried to speak up, or had an early traumatic experience speaking out at school. This causes a trauma response to be attached to the idea of public speaking, and so every time that person is required to speak in public, the trauma is “triggered”. Experts explain that the way to deal with a public speaking anxiety is to remove the emotional tag from the experience – so speaking in front of others no longer triggers the old trauma. This is entirely possible, but is unlikely to happen of its own accord. Most people with this fear need outside help.

What is your comfort level? Leave a comment for me!

29 Aug

What is your comfort level?

What is your comfort level?

  • Level 1: Pressured and Petrified: People in this category display the greatest signs of nervousness—visible blushing, perspiration, quivering voice, or shaking hands. They are extremely uncomfortable and can barely get their words out. These individuals generally have little experience speaking to groups, but because of a recent promotion or increased job responsibilities, they are now expected to speak. They have little desire to speak in public, but are now required to do so. Their capacity for comfort is generally quite low. As such, they have a great opportunity for personal and professional growth!
  • Level 2: Hurried and Harried: These people deal with their fear and discomfort by racing through their material for one specific purpose—to get through it! They are usually familiar with their subject matter but rarely practice. They like to wing it. Many even believe that their “practice” happens while they are giving their presentation. As a result of their lack of preparation, they “hurry” through their presentation, talking too fast, shifting their weight, avoiding eye contact, and showing other physical signs of discomfort.  The good news for this group is that with a few simple changes they can quickly improve and become more comfortable and competent.
  • Level 3: Surprised and Startled: These people have situational nervousness. They are fine in their regular day-to-day presentations, but if asked to perform out of their routine, they experience anxiety and discomfort. However, they typically don’t show their nervousness. In fact, their audience barely picks up on it, but the speaker still carries the burden of anxiety. These speakers take the time to practice and are generally more prepared than most, but unusual situations cause them to revisit earlier bouts of nerves and agitation. They are often the managers who comfortably lead staff or division meetings, but when asked to speak at an all-hands meeting or at a conference, they become anxious. The good news for these speakers is that they already know how to be comfortable in front of one type of audience, so it’s just a matter of learning how to apply their skills to a new venue to be comfortable in every new situation they encounter.
  • Level 4: Eager and Enthusiastic: These are the people who love to speak and do so with ease, taking every opportunity and stepping up at a moment’s notice. They enjoy the adrenalin rush that speaking provides and ride it to peak performance. They may be executives, product evangelists, salespeople, senior leaders, marketing directors, and corporate trainers. They have already built a substantial capacity for comfort—and there is still room to grow.

“Every time I go on a sales call the guys interrupt me”!

27 Aug

Caveman

“Every time I go on a sales call and bring team members they keep interrupting my presentation”    

“I start out with an introduction and as soon as I stumble over a word or have a long pause they jump in and I end up sitting there looking stupid”

“It’s so frustrating that I dread going on sales appointments and even get anxious the night before”

This is a story familiar to many people especially woman who are working in  male – dominated fields such as engineering or contracting.  The women are typically in sales/relationship roles within the company and the men are in the technical area.   The men who are called upon as so called “Subject Experts”  have social skills that resemble neanderthal society.

The fact is you can’t not be the spark of evolution – meaning your not going to change them.  They lack social skills and understanding of common civics in a social setting.   If they have not learned these basic kindergarten skills then your complaining to them will be wasted breath.

So what do you do?

First you have to know that you are the communication expert in the room because you know the secret sauce of a sales relationship.  Use this to your advantage in being the moderator of the discussion not just the starter.  Similar to an anchor reporter talking with 4-5 people during a table discussion.    You must assert control and in many incidents you must cut off  a person.

You may be concerned how this looks to the client who is deciding  if they want to actually do business with you? That client wants you to be confident!   They are going to do business if they trust you to get required results.  If your team takes advantage of you in the sales meeting – what does that say to the future buyer?  It makes you look weak and ineffective.

Interested in learning how to take control – let’s talk further.

They told me their stories……homeless/prostitute

26 Aug

Waiting for the Purple line – she walks up “I just got our of jail”  I ask for how long – she said “just for a night and damn I need a shower”  I ask what got her in trouble in the first place – drugs and prostitution.    There is not hesitation in telling me about her life – not a bit of fear or concern.

Riding the light rail home I sit across from a woman with a McDonald’s shirt, she is signing and vocalizing how tired she is already at 3 pm in the afternoon.  I ask if she is just getting off work and she sighs ” I am just heading to work in Timonium”  I asked where she was coming from and she said “the women’s shelter in White Marsh”  I found out that she has to take a bus from White Marsh to downtown (Convention Center) and then take the light rail north.  She told me how she had been homeless for around 6 months after getting kicked out of her aunts house because she was addicted to pain killers.  She has 3 children from 3 different dads but can’t collect child support for various reasons.  She dreams of getting a car by December but first she has to get past a suspension.

In both of these cases these individuals felt totally comfortable telling me their story no matter how painful.   I have been wrestling with why they are so open about their condition to tell a complete stranger.  There are several reasons, maybe I look like a good listener?   It could be because I continued to ask them questions?  I think the answer is simpler – they had no fear or reservation because they had nothing to lose, they have been judged all their lives for their actions and truly don’t care what others think.  They have moved into a mental place of freedom from judgement and that is why there voice is strong in explaining their lives.

What can be learned from these interactions – our voice can rise above judgement and fear when we feel the freedom that there is nothing to lose but only to gain.  We can all find that voice without living a life of pain and misery – it is in each on of us and we must power through to find it and use it!

This Weeks – TALLspeaking Communication Star – Mike Shelah

21 Aug

This Weeks TALLspeaking Communication Star

This Weeks TALLspeaking Communication Star

I spotted this weeks TALLspeaking Communication Star at Toastmasters at the Baltimore County Chamber of Commerce.
Meet Mike Shelah who  is a Senior Account Executive with Earthlink Business.
Now on to our Q&A….
What do you enjoy about Public Speaking?
It’s entertainment. I have fun sharing my experiences and knowledge with others
Do you get nervous?
Sure. The first time I had to present to a group I thought I was going to pass out. Once I begin the nervousness quickly disappears.
Do you use notes or memorize or go off the cuff?
Depending on the situation, I have applied all three. In sales it is important to speak concisely without knowing what you will need to say in advance. There are times when ceremony dictates a specific script to be memorized and incorporated or presented verbatim. Notes allow you to convey a message freely while assuring you touch all the key topics
What do you tell the person who is fearful of Public Speaking?
It’s okay to be afraid, but don’t let that stop you from being great. You are speaking publicly because someone values what you have to say and wants to hear it.
How do you know that you are connecting with the audience?
Engagement is about reaction (laughter, applause, affirmations) and body language

I am a proud Introvert and a Public Speaker?

19 Aug

Introverts can be public speakers!

Introverts can be public speakers!

Do you freak out when your cell phone is down to 10 percent and you can’t find a plug to charge anywhere?  You may debate – should I turn it off to save the battery or just hope you get to a place to charge in time?  For me by Friday afternoon my battery is red-lining.  I am desperate for some solitude – to get away from conversation and interaction.  I need that time to put all my thoughts in order and to make sense of the world.

People think that only extroverts can be good public speakers because they gain their energy from people.  They think that introverts can’t stand people and only want to live on a remote island.  That type of talk is rubbish and completely ignorant and irresponsible.   Anyone can be an amazing speaker but they have to know their temperament and limitations with stimulation.  I have learned that I must have some time before a presentation (10-15) minutes to put my thoughts in order and find that inner solitude.  So, my introverted friends – don’t let an emotional condition hold you back from communicating with the world?

Introvert 2

Are you comfortable with yourself?

21 Jul

Know Yourself

Most people dread the moment when their interviewer utters the words – “So, tell me about yourself.” But it’s actually the simplest question to navigate once you get down to the root of what’s being asked. “Tell me about yourself” really translates to: “What can you tell me about how your personality, interests, work habits and background will help you rock this position?”

Before you answer, rewind back to when you applied for the job -– the moment you decided that you and the position would be a solid match. Usually, the reasons that ran through your mind before you chose to apply are the answers the interviewer is looking for. Since you’re the most well-versed on the subject of you, this is your moment to paint the picture of what you bring to the table and why you’re the most dynamic and capable person for the job.

Always go red when you’re embarrassed? New research shows it’s a sign you’ll be a great lover

19 Jun

 

 

Do you blush when you have to speak?

Do you blush when you have to speak?

Blushing occurs when adrenalin generated by an uncomfortable situation makes blood vessels near the surface of the skin expand, allowing more blood to flow and leaving the sufferer red-faced.

It’s an involuntary reaction which we all fall victim to from time to time, but pale and pasty skins such as mine show up the offending blush more than darker ones.

And it’s not just your cheeks that go red. The ‘blush region’ can include your ears, neck and chest — and each blush is different. Some come on thick and fast, others spread slowly across the upper-body like a horrible, blotchy rash.

blushing still shows endearing vulnerability — so much so that, even today, researchers say blushing can help us when we are dating, or even trying to do a business deal.

They’ve also concluded that when we blush after doing something socially embarrassing — such as accidentally standing on someone’s toe — it’s like an non-verbal apology and therefore diffuses any aggression.

 

Do you turn red in group settings?

Do you turn red in group settings?

Here are some tips on how to reduce blushing especially when speaking in Public!

  • Try chewing gum. Takes a mind off things.
  • Do as many social things as possible. The more comfortable you are around people, the less you will blush. Interacting with people will make your life more fulfilling and will simply make you a confident and more interesting person.
  • If you blush every time you are even in the same room as your crush, or talking to them especially, you probably turn very red. This type of blushing can be so intense it is unavoidable. The only thing you can do in a situation like this is try to calm yourself by taking a few deep breaths.
  • Try casually covering your cheek with your hand if you feel a blush coming on and can’t prevent it.
  • Keep drinking water if you feel like you’re going red.
  • Remember that people really don’t tend to notice unless you make it a big deal and try too hard to hide it.
  • If worse comes to worst, go to the nearest bathroom or kitchen and put a damp cloth on your face. An air conditioner will also do the trick.
  • Don’t worry blushing is natural, its beautiful as it makes a person look alive and healthy. People don’t notice it as much as you think in fact your body language is what counts, so if you’re blushing ignore it and keep your body language normal.
  • Try wearing foundation that matches your natural skin tone. It works like an absolute charm.
  • Try using a paler foundation, or one that matches your skin tone. Relax, and just try to ignore it!

Blushing – Just stop caring

17 Jun

Tallspeaking, Blushing, getting red, getting nervous, public speaking,

Stop Caring about Blushing

 

 

Stop caring. Not only is your blushing much less noticeable than you probably think, it’s also helpful to remember that most people either find blushing to be cute or endearing. There are benefits to being a blusher. They include:

  • People who witness someone blush find the blusher to be more sympathetic, softening their social judgments of the person. In this way, blushing may help build better social bonds.
  • Researchers believe that people who blush are better at relationships, reporting higher levels of monogamy and trustworthiness.

Don’t feel responsible for blushing. Whatever you do, don’t feel responsible for blushing. It is involuntary. Train your mind to understand that your conscious thoughts have nothing to do with this autonomic bodily response. You are not to blame, and you are not guilty of anything. If you let go of feeling responsible for blushing, there’s a good chance you’ll find yourself blushing less often.

Going to dinner on first date is a MAJOR MISTAKE

11 Jun

So  you meet someone on Match.com and you decide on a first date.     You are nervous with anticipation thinking will we click?  Will there be any chemistry.

So you decide to go out to dinner – MAJOR MISTAKE

Why?  

Think about it – 60-70 percent of communication is non-verbal.

So what?

Well, if you are sitting behind a table at a restaurant you are missing a huge percentage of body language that may allow you to figure out – is this the right one?  

Suggestion -Find an activity that requires body language such as bowling or miniature  golf.  This will allow you to read the body language as well as the verbal cues. This will make your dating experiences much richer and deeper.

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