Tag Archives: scared

Let me see you pose for employment….hmmmm

17 Oct

A study published last year, led by Amy J.C. Cuddy, an associate professor of business administration at Harvard Business School, required participants to strike power poses for several minutes before beginning a mock job interview. Those who did so got better reviews and were more likely to be hired—even though evaluators never saw them in the poses.

So break old body-language habits and start power posing! –

Demand the f****** room

24 Sep

Are you demanding the room!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are you demanding the room!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Demand the f****** room

First impressions  really do make a difference, so the way you enter a room sets the tone for the presentation.

Do you look put together, polished and poised? Or do you look haggard and like you spent the entire night stressing over your presentation or worse, up all night producing a hastily written speech?

This point is about more than just style; you also need to walk in with confidence.

Demanding the f****** room is about walking in like you own the place, head up, shoulders back and with a strut.  Looking confident will help you feel confident.

“Don’t fake it ’til you make it, fake it ’til you become it.”

6 Sep

Body Poses

Fake it till you become it


There has been a great deal of discussion in the media lately regarding power poses related to self-esteem and confidence.  As you know by now I am a firm believer that in communication we focus too much on the verbal aspect.  Body language is 65-75% of our daily communication.  You are always communicating even if no one is around.  Your body language is communicating to your brain your mood and temperament.


Harvard social psychologist Amy Cuddy has documented how positive and negative body language shapes your self-perception and your hormone levels.

In Cuddy’s experiment, done in collaboration with Dana Carney at Berkeley, one group spent two minutes doing low-power poses — head down, shoulders sunk, eyes averted, looking small. The other group did high-power poses – hands on hips, chest lifted, staring boldly out at the horizon a la Wonder Woman.

Then they took a saliva sample. The high-power posers showed a nearly 20 percent increase in testosterone (the dominance hormone) and a 25 percent decrease in cortisol (the stress hormone). The low-power posers saw a 10 percent decline in testosterone and a 17 percent increase in cortisol.

Cuddy says, “These two-minute changes (in body stance) lead to hormonal changes that can configure your brain to be either assertive, confident and comfortable, or really stress reactive and feeling shut down.”

In her moving backstory Cuddy (watch her TED talk) describes how as a young student her identity was wrapped up in “being smart.” But a serious car accident at 19 damaged her brain and her IQ dropped by two standard deviations.

Afterward, she struggled in school feeling like a powerless imposter until, on the verge of quitting, an angel advisor told her, “You are not quitting. You are going to fake it. You are going to do it and do it and do it, until you have this moment where you say I am really doing it.”

Cuddy faked it well enough to wind up teaching at Harvard, where years later she encountered a struggling student who confessed, “I feel like I don’t belong here.”

In that moment Cuddy realized she actually had forgotten about faking it, she belonged.

Her advice to the student: “Don’t fake it ’til you make it, fake it ’til you become it.”

I am a proud Introvert and a Public Speaker?

19 Aug

Introverts can be public speakers!

Introverts can be public speakers!

Do you freak out when your cell phone is down to 10 percent and you can’t find a plug to charge anywhere?  You may debate – should I turn it off to save the battery or just hope you get to a place to charge in time?  For me by Friday afternoon my battery is red-lining.  I am desperate for some solitude – to get away from conversation and interaction.  I need that time to put all my thoughts in order and to make sense of the world.

People think that only extroverts can be good public speakers because they gain their energy from people.  They think that introverts can’t stand people and only want to live on a remote island.  That type of talk is rubbish and completely ignorant and irresponsible.   Anyone can be an amazing speaker but they have to know their temperament and limitations with stimulation.  I have learned that I must have some time before a presentation (10-15) minutes to put my thoughts in order and find that inner solitude.  So, my introverted friends – don’t let an emotional condition hold you back from communicating with the world?

Introvert 2

But who asked you, anyway ?

17 Aug

So the life I have made
May seem wrong to you
But, I’ve never been surer
It’s my life to ruin
My own way


 ( JUDGEMENT) A common vocalization from my clients.   The world is teeming with judgement and it is a sickness that we see pronounced at every checkout line.   We demonize judgement but it has helped us evolve and survive in a dangerous world.  We all do it consciously or unconsciously – for some it cripples – the ability to live fully.  It truly sucks the life out of their personality.  Realize that everyone judges you and puts you in a box in the first 5 seconds.  You have been stamped and cataloged.  That is graphic reality.

When you are asked to give a presentation or speak up at a company meeting -you can sway that judgement to the positive by showing the audience that you have broken free of any residue  (judgement anxiety).  When they sense your complete control of your mind their negative thoughts evaporate – you will gain a new respect.  You will be seen as a model of completeness that so many will envy.  This creates desire to hear your message.  This will be you launch to new orbits of communication

Public Speaking is like dating…….hmmmmm

18 Jul

  • Nerves – It’s natural to be nervous before a big first date (or a second or third). We are excited to see the other person and excited by the possibilities of it all. We are also nervous that our date will hate us. We get butterflies in our tummies before a big speech for many of the same reasons. The nerves are natural but focusing on the other person (or audience) can tame them.
  • Look sharp – Nothing like your date showing up in a tattered Led Zeppelin t-shirt and cut-offs. Nothing says I don’t want to be dating you like bad hygiene and poor grooming! Likewise, nothing tells an audience you don’t care quite like when you don’t dress up for a speech. I’m not suggesting  wearing a 3 piece suit when you speak, but dress for the audience and occasion. It’s a way to make a great first impression.
  • Tease – Flirting is how we show another person we are interested. We lean forward, smile, and make jokes. It grabs our date’s attention. When we speak, it’s important to tease the audience. Capture their attention in the first 30 seconds of your presentation with a story that leaves them begging for more.
  • Take an interest – Dating 101 – don’t talk about yourself the whole time! Ask questions about the other person to show you are interested in them. When speaking, remember a speech is not about the speaker! It’s about the audience. Show the audience your are interested in them just like you would show a date.
  • Take action – The date goes great, but waiting by the phone for it to ring sucks! Relationship experts suggest that if you have a good date, then take action and ask for the next date. In speaking, we want to leave the audience with something they can do, know or feel. Leave your date and your audience with a plan for action!

Female leadership traits to get to the top

4 Jun


Confidence can mean a world of difference between a woman who is able to live her dreams and one who is not–so often a talented woman is held back through lack of confidence. The former U.K. prime minister Margaret Thatcher was famous for her confidence and iron will–and for her slogan “The lady’s not for turning.”


Mentoring is essential to encouraging  female leaders of the future: Identifying and overcoming obstacles to their career progression at the early stages can have a huge effect on their eventual success. This should start in school and be a part of every stage of a woman’s education and training. If you can identify opportunities and encourage women early on then they will be able to fulfill their potential throughout their careers. Some of the most prominent women had great mentors–and they are often now working as mentors to the next generation themselves.

How to break-up a conversation with an annoying person

28 May

  • You need to feed the parking meter.
  • You need to step outside to make a phone call.
  • You need to get another drink.
  • You need to visit the bathroom.
  • You need to ask so-and-so a question.
  • A blanket “I need to excuse myself for a moment” or “Please excuse me,” will do in a pinch. (People will assume you mean: “...to go to the bathroom,” but everyone poops so don’t worry about it.)

Here are some more tips:

  • Don’t worry if your reason is a white lie. You may not actually need to pee when you excuse yourself. That’s ok. Go to the rest room, wash your hands, collect yourself, and when you come out find yourself a new conversational partner.
  • It’s not a question. You’re not asking permission to leave, you’re informing that you’re leaving. So state “So nice talking with you! I need to excuse myself. If I don’t talk to you later, enjoy the party” and then walk away.
  • If the person doesn’t take the hint, you can escalate/interrupt. “I’m so sorry to cut you off, but I need to step away for a moment. Maybe we’ll pick this up later!” and then leave the area.

When I attended my first TALLspeaking seminar, I was so nervous. I thought to myself, “Not another public speaking class!”

26 Mar

When I attended my first TALLspeaking seminar, I was so nervous.  I thought to myself, “Not another public speaking class!”, as I told my boss how excited I was to attend.  I couldn’t believe how interactive and fun the seminar was!  Not only did I pick up on some great tips and tricks of public speaking but I also learned how to be comfortable in front of a group of strangers.  Keith does an amazing job in getting the group to actively participate throughout the seminar.  I was so impressed with his presentation that I recommended to our CEO for Keith to come in to do not just 1 but 2 seminars for our credit union.  Keith’s first seminar was on Intrapersonal Communication, the entire staff attended.  The second seminar was on Public Speaking for our supervisors and leaders of our organization.  I have received an incredible amount of positive feedback from the staff.  Each staff member was enthusiastically engaged while Keith was presenting.  It was truly a pleasure to work with Keith and he is remarkably good at teaching Communication skills.  I highly recommend TALLspeaking, I promise that everyone at all levels of your organization will benefit from this seminar!

Rebecca Coakley, PHR

HR Manager

The Partnership Federal Credit Union

On the Day of Your Speech- Avoid Panic! – TALLspeaking – Your Speech Coach!

12 Feb

On the Day of Your Speech- Avoid Panic!

Check everything! Pretend to be confident!

1. Did you preview the site? Check room size, acoustics, lighting (and how to control it, if it’s controllable), microphones, availability of a blackboard, chalk, electrical outlets, where people enter and exit, etc.

2. Do you know where your equipment is? Confirm your order for an overhead, etc. Plan where to locate your handouts. Consider whether you should have them available in advance or after your talk.

3. Establish where you will situate yourself with relation to your graphics and equipment. Will you block the view? How will you point things out? Where should your notes rest?

4. Don’t eat heavily before your talk, and avoid milk products. The reasons for avoiding a heavy meal may be obvious. Milk products coat your larynx and may cause you to do a lot of throat-clearing.

5. Mingle with the audience before you speak, if you have the opportunity. You may learn some relevant things that you can incorporate into your talk. Or make a last minute adjustment to what you were going to say.

6. How are you being introduced? Did you tell the person who will introduce you what to say? And how to pronounce your name? Listen carefully to your introduction and take note so that when you speak, you don’t repeat what was said. Make a mental note to add to it or make a minor correction if you think it’s necessary.

7. Once you’ve been announced, you are on stage. From the moment you were introduced you have been the focus of the audience’s attention. It has no one else to look at but you. Move confidently.

8. When you’re ready to begin- don’t. Wait! Take a moment to catch your breath. (Remember- abdominal breathing!) Make a pleasant face at the audience. Take a comfortable stance. Breathe. Look at everyone before you start.

9. Keep an eye on your equipment as you move around or move things around.Avoid lengthy silences while you adjust equipment or arrange visuals or write on the blackboard. Talk and do. Watch where you’re walking. Don’t get tangled up in electrical cords. Keep your overheads in order as you use them. Don’t get too close to the microphone.

10. Questions: the inaudible, the complex, the unanswerable, and the hostile.Repeat questions to the rest of the audience. Feel free to comment, e.g., “That’s a good question!” Break complicated ones into simple components; tell the person asking a question you can’t answer that you’ll get back to him/her later or that you don’t know. Don’t respond to hostile questions by repeating the accusation; answer positively.

11. Head up when you’re done! End naturally, without a “thank you.” Look at the audience and acknowledge to them that you are done. Save your “thank you” for the roar of applause. Smile. Leave the podium as slowly as you walked to it. Don’t look as if you’re escaping. Head up all the way back to your seat!

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